I'm usually not very open and/or emotional on this blog. It's hard for me to do that in general. Ask my friends. But I've been thinking about something lately and I feel like I should write about it.
I've been having some body image issues lately. I hate all my clothes. I hate when things that used to fit don't fit the same. I hate when I try really hard to look good and I miss the mark. I hate when I compare myself to other girls and they always come out on top. I hate that my stomach isn't flat so I have to suck in. I hate that my calves don't look good, even in heels.
People talk about being perfect a lot. People also talk about how it's impossible to be perfect, and the pressure can be overwhelming. I want to talk about being happy being imperfect.
I know that I will never wear size 2 jeans, probably not even size 4 or size 6 jeans but I've always felt like it's something that I need to be working on all the time. That I shouldn't be happy unless I'm dropping weight or inches or sizes. I've always felt like I need to be talking about how much I'm trying to change, and how much I'm working out, and how little I'm eating. It's like I need to prove that I'm trying to change, so people know that I know that I'm not perfect. Then everyone will look at me and say, "Well, she's still a little overweight, but look how hard she's trying! That's so great for her!"
This is wrong. I don't want to feel this way, and I shouldn't feel this way.
Shouldn't I just be happy with how I am? I know how to take care of my body, and I know what I need to do to feel good and healthy. That's what I should focus on. I know I won't achieve perfection, but I don't want to have to always be trying. It doesn't make sense. I am me. This is my body. It can do amazing things. I can respect myself by dressing well and carrying myself with confidence. I have been given this body for a reason and I need to love it. We all need to love our bodies. That doesn't mean constantly trying to change our bodies into something that is "loveable". It means loving it the way it is and being happy with it because it is beautiful.
After all that word vomit, this is what it comes down to: I don't want to feel like I should be unhappy with my imperfections. It's ok if my calves aren't slender, even when I wear heels. It's ok if 100 crunches don't make a difference. It's ok if my round cheeks look even rounder when I smile. And it's ok to be ok with it.
5 comments :
I absolutely love this post. Are you okay if I link to it on my intuitive eating site (the site for my project)? It's lizmarble.com and currently has like, 1 follower...counting me. :)
Thanks, Liz! I was really nervous about posting this so I really appreciate that. And you can definitely link to it on your website :).
Thank you for posting this! You touched on some of my own thoughts perfectly. You are incredible!
this is a powerful thing here Amanda! What an incredible thought!
I'll have you know as a side note, that Heidi and I have on more than a few occasions talked about how you are literally the most stunning ladygirl we've ever known. Like inside and out. We voted on it. 3 billion girls and you won.
And this post probably secures your spot for next year too.
And even though we just put your looks and personality to a vote, we agree with everything you said here and you said it beautifully!
Amen, Sista! We all need to be reminded of this. I'm so glad you shared. This reminded me of two quotes that I love: "Women wish to be loved without a why or a wherefore; not because they are pretty, or good, or well-bred, or graceful, or intelligent, but because they are themselves."
(Henre Frederic Amiel); "If the only vision we have of ourselves comes from the social mirror...our view of ourselves is like the reflection in the crazy mirror room at the carnival."(????)
Thanks, Amanda. :)
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